Facial Expression (Alan)

What we see is the truth, not the words we hear. What we don’t see is the real meaning of the truth.

What we believe is what we feel right, that our guts say yes to the decision we make.

What we hear is merely a small fraction of the whole truth, often the voice tone does not represent the whole personality.

On happy occasion like this:

WHAT? I WON A LOTTERY? OH MY GOODNESS! OH MY GOODNESS!
Can you say this with a sad face? Imagine you saying this:
*sad sad face* what… sigh…. I won a lottery…?… sigh… oh… I am so…. happy… This is the best ever present… *still the same sad face*

Oh well, hope you get the idea.

Now, the exciting part where you seriously want to know more. Let’s us go through this journey together.

Take note of the colour, size, shape, movement on each part of the face. I shall start from the top of the face.

Forehead

Flinch (sometimes causes Wrinkle): it means change in emotional state

  • Can be from normal state to happy/surprise

Eye brow

If you look at people closely, you will find that their eye brow sometimes move higher or lower, or frown.

This is a simple way to tell the mood of a person.

High: When happy, even higher when there is much more excitement (like when you are craving for extravagant activities from opposite sex)

Stay still: stable mood.

Frown(2 states):

  • low/negative mood – sad, angry (some people frown when angry), grief
  • curious mood – want to know something more. Sometimes someone look like you with frown because he/she is curious about you.

Eyes

Eyes is the truth of emotional state. Of course, unless you are undercover agent or super spy, your eyes will betray your true feelings.

There is much more details on eyes than you think.

Retina size and colour change

When we are emotionally high, our retina will grow bigger (very small difference), the colour will be lighten.

When we are emotionally down, our retina will grow a bit smaller, the colour darkens.

Eye gaze Direction (basically eye contact)

Do you ever wonder where people look at when you talk to them? Now, lets reverse the question: Do you know where you are looking at when others are talking to you? Looking at the lips, the eyes, the nose, some other places where you shouldn’t be looking at but you are just tempted to do so….

Eye gaze signifies  where is your attention at.

Some people look at people’s eye in conversation, but are they deliberately looking at your eyes or they are sincerely looking into your eyes? Many people train themselves to look into other people’s eyes, especially those who are going for interviews, meetings, etc. Here is the difference, imagine you are looking at other people’s eyes and you are genuinely enjoy the conversation. Thus, while looking at people’s eyes, what you actually see is the whole picture of the person. This is like watching a movie.

But, while you are trying hard to concentrate in the conversation, your view of the person is narrowed down to his/her face. This is because you are actually paying to attention to the details in words from his mouth. Some people actually look at people’s lips while listening because they are paying attention to the words said.

Next, eye gaze tells a person’s confidence level and comfort level with you.

If you are very uncomfortable with a person, you will sometimes try to avoid eye contact, and look elsewhere. But, you have to show that you are paying attention, so you look at the space in between the eye, or the eye brow, or the tip of the nose.

Also, when they really want to make a point, they look into your eyes to draw your attention, to draw you into their point of view and to convince you in agreeing with them. That’s why eye contact is so important in sales.

Generally, people who are confident have very good eye contact. Some never lose eye contact with you, and that makes you uncomfortable because his/her presence is too strong.

Eye movement

Rapid movement: It means his/her attention is switching from one to another, people who are distracted easily always look around a lot, unless their attention is totally focus on one thing.

Each direction of the eyes means a different thing.

Some people say that when a person’s eye is looking up, he is trying to make up something, or trying to tell a lie. THAT IS BULLSHIT! I can tell you a lie while looking straight into your eyes, in fact, most people do.

I will explain more on this later in NLP sections but the truth is, eye movement means different representation system (how you access your brain: how you think).

Looking up to the top right is creating images (visual reconstruct), top left is remembering images (visual remembrance) , horizontally right is creating sounds in his head (auditory reconstruct), horizontally left is remembering sounds (auditory remembrance), bottom right is creating a feeling (kinesthetic reconstruct), bottom left is remember a feeling (kinesthetic remembrance).

Generally, looking to the right is create images, sounds or feelings, while to the left is remember images, sounds or feelings. Then, you will realise that there is no vertically up and down eye movement. Yes, that is correct. When a person look up or down, it will tend to be a bit left or a bit right. Sometimes, for visual people the eyes will go up -> go a little right -> then go back to middle.

So, eye moment is not enough to tell whether a person is lying. When someone is creating images/sounds/feelings, then the body language will tell you whether he is lying.

Depth of Gaze (how deep a person is looking at you)

For this, you can ‘feel’ the sharpness of a person based on his gaze. People who are sharp in body language or social dynamics will tend to look ‘deep’ into other people and understand their emotion, their needs (for salesperson), and true personality (personality profiler). People who are not affluent in social interaction has ‘shallow’ gaze, where they just glance through your eyes/body but never look into tiny details. This is also one of the difference between effective communicator and bad communicator.

Nose

When you are feeling/hearing/looking at something too exciting, your nose bleed. Ok… That’s exaggerating.

For some people, their nose will move like holes grow bigger when they have change in emotional state. Generally, the nose hole become big when they are high – happy, excited, surprise, etc.

I will talk about breathing in body language.

Mouth

Lips:

Colour lightens or become redder in high emotional state.

Edge of mouth:

Tickles when in intense emotional state, also when switching from one feeling to another different one.

What you canont see: More saliva when you find something delicious, not necessarily food.

Ears

Change in emotion: Redder for some people due to blood flowing faster

Face

(If you can notice these tiny changes) flinch on edge of eye brow, cheeks and tip of the nose.

Smile more (obvious right?) You are half way there. To be more accurate, a more sincere smile or laughter. Look at the edge of the lips. You will see the difference. Sincere – deeper flinch (Dont know what it is called), not so sincere – you can barely see it.

Lastly, the complete face structure.

Each tiny details only provide so little details. However, if we form all of them into one, then we will get a more complete and accurate result.

But.. but… isn’t there so many combinations and each combination has different meaning? How are we supposed to analyse all when we have is like… lets say 0.5 seconds to do all of it? Not really. We shouldn’t be analysing all of them one by one. In fact, the most important thing is to look at the eyes. Our thoughts, our feelings, our emotions, is all written in the eyes. The rest is like addition to it.

Let me ask you. What is the most important thing when building a sand castle? hm…. hm…

Don’t think too much. The most important thing you need is sand. That is why it is called as ‘sand’ castle, not ice castle or Buckingham Palace. So my point is, other details add depth into your basic analysis to form a complete picture.

Having said this, we shall end here because I reveal too much information that I shouldn’t be saying.

*Actually I am just hungry* Cannot think when I have a hungry stomach.

Guidebook

This serves as a guidebook for myself on which aspect of self-improvement I want to explain, as well as for people who want to improve a particular area of themself.

So I shall state what are the areas I will be focusing on.

First of all, it would be an overview of body language, facial expression, psychology before I move into more details.

Next, I will go into details on self-improvement techniques.

So, I am going to appear on tv, with mask on and tell you: “I want to play a game……”

The game goes like this: the outer game, the inner game and the extra games.

  • Outer game includes improving body language and building your personality, confidence, expressing yourself coherently, voice coaching, fashion, humour, etc…
  • Inner game includes understanding yourself through psychology and neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), controlling your thoughts, self-hypnosis (i call it mind journey) and meditation.
  • The extra games will be mind reading, psychological profiling, fun games to build rapport  and social dynamics (I refuse to teach dating skills)

If you clear all these games, I shall brand you the master of games, and offer you a chance to attain immortality… in your dreams…

Lastly, I would like to talk about life-enrichment aspects, including arts, fashion, music, books, etc. Also, the other special ones will be unleash your creativity, momentum and motivation, focus and concentration, and achieving dreams.

PS: I would like to state that all these all through my experience of evolving from someone with no personality to someone I always wanted to be. So, most of the posts will be about my experience and techniques. I wouldn’t provide background knowledge for those… for now… until I research further into the matters.

throughout my journey, I shall improve the blog to be more user-friendly and interactive gradually since I am still learning about wordpress blog. Of course, there will be links to the post here when it is ready.

How do you know when someone is excited? (Alan)

Let me start from facial expression.

Eye brow – higher when happy, even higher when there is much more excitement (like when you are craving for extravagant activities from opposite sex)

Eyes become bigger – retina slightly bigger, eye open wider, colour of eyes darker (if you are attentive enough to notice these), eyes moving more rapidly for some people.

Nose – bleeding because too excited (not really unless you are looking at.. you know), nose hole slightly bigger, breathing deeper or sometimes faster (depends on what is the excitement).

Mouth – colour of lips lightened or sometimes redder (this really depends on that person’s biological structure), edge of mouth tickles as if he/she is smiling, lips slightly bigger. Sometimes, this person cannot stop talking. (*wink wink* does it describe like you?)

Ears – redder for some people due to blood flowing faster

Face – (if you can notice these tiny changes) flinch on edge of eye brow, cheeks and tip of the nose.

Smile more (obvious right?) You are half way there. To be more accurate, a more sincere smile or laughter. Look at the edge of the lips. You will see the difference. Sincere – deeper flicker (Dont know what it is called), not so sincere – you can barely see it. Generally, people are more genuine in their facial expression when they are excited because they are less conscious of themselves. They are not consciously controlling so much of their facial expression when their attention is diverted into excitement.

Body language

Different depending on gender.

Male

Wider shoulder than usual, shoulder higher (tense shoulder for different excitement), move about more frequently (unable to keep body still). Sometimes, shaking legs more frequently but don’t be mistaken, because some men shake their leg like turning on motor when they concentrate. Yes, that is irritating for some people.

Some look like suddenly they have firmer chest.

Grip their fist tighter and shake harder if they do, upper body leaning forward instead of leaning backward.

Deeper and longer breath for some type of happiness (which has lasting effect), deep and fast breath for other types of happiness (short-term happiness like getting a job done), shallow and faster breath for some situations (Don’t need to explain, you should know).

And all of a sudden, they have tighter and nicer ass… seems like you should really… really try to grab it…^^

Female

They hide everything in their heart, unless you can see through them.

Stroke their hair more often, touches their body more often (shoulder, back of the hand, or gadgets they have). Some become extremely quiet when they are excited. Some shake their leg more/faster when crossing their leg (depends on your analysis, I can only help you this much).

Shoulder leaning forward (not the whole body like male), some look more relaxed (whole body more straight up).

Shallower breath, sometimes faster. This is the sign of their heartbeat.

Don’t sit still, moving around more. Sometimes moving around on a chair more frequently. That is like rubbing…. ok no further explanation.

Basically, unlike male who is driven by adrenaline rush (more blood flow), female are driven more by emotions. So all their movements is more subtle. Their movements are more fluid than man, so think of it like a flow of water. Disruption to this flow of water is the sign of change in emotion. Yes. If you know this person well, she will move more gracefully when excited, means that her water is flowing faster…

Expression of words

Some express it directly, their excitement, some through their choice of words. Some describe their experience/feelings vividly, which shows their emotions. Those who are more quiet, suddenly speak more often, yep… that is the sign.

If an excitement is beyond words… speechless. Don’t even need to say, it’s all on their face!

So far I have covered visual inspection. So let’s get deeper into this:

Feeling that you get from them. Sometimes awkwardness, sometimes it feels too gay, sometimes it is just…. nothing.

Sometimes, you think he/she is crazy when normally he/she is so calm,
sometimes you think he/she is a nut case when he/she was so nerdy,
sometimes you think his/her presence become too prominent when you didn’t even notice him/her.

But now, we are drawn into the same world, where we share our excitement…
We seem to be connected by an invisible string, that links our heart together…
We feel like we have known each other… for very long, even though we have just met…
We feel so similar, yet so distant…
The time seems to pause for us, to cherish our moment together… forever…
The rain won’t stop for us… as we hold onto the same umbrella, so close to each other, shoulder to shoulder, hand in hand, feeling each other’s warmth…
We belong together, we are at the same frequency, we are… don’t hug me!

Feeling is sooo hard to describe.

We shall end here since I reveal too much information that I shouldn’t be saying.

*Actually I am just hungry* Cannot think when I have a hungry stomach. *Playful smile* Join me for a quick meal~

Body Posture (Alan)

Your shoulder, your chest, your head direction, your back, your standing posture, your sitting posture.

The way you tilt your head, the way you turn your head, the way you position yourself, the way you walk with wind, the way you stand like you are the master.

How you lift your chest, how you stiff your shoulder, how you squeeze yourself smaller like porcupine, how you lean forward or backward, and how on earth your leg refuse to move to the one you have crush on?

Your shoulder shows your comfort level.

Your chest shows your confidence level.

Your posture shows you attitude.

Your walking style shows your control over yourself.

Your sitting posture shows your emotional state.

Your body response shows your attention, your self-esteem, and whether you are in your comfort zone.

The whole package, the combination of these, shows you personality.

_____________________________________________________

Take note of your own posture when you are reading this.

Shoulder:

When you are nervous, your shoulder is stiff, and it’s like you are squeezing yourself into smaller piece.
When you are stresses, you shoulder muscle tensed, and you barely move your shoulder.
When you are relaxed, your shoulder laid back, resting in peace.

Chest:

When you feel confidence, you lift up your chest like you are the king of the world.
When you are not, you look like you lost someone you love.
When you are focused, you feel like you have something on your chest, especially if you are a girl.
When you are bored, you feel that your chest is empty.

Posture:

When you are genuinely interested, you lean in and read my post.
When you are disgusted by my content, you back away from your screen and click the close button.
When you care about someone, you naturally want to protect them, giving them your care and support.
When you are shy, you don’t even look at me.
When you are angry, your body is agitated and feel like punching me. You cannot sit or stand still.

Sitting Posture:

When you are comfortable, your ass is fully on the chair, your back leaning against the support.
When you are down, you sit about 70% of the chair, not leaning on it.
When you are happy, you sit straight, only 50% of the chair, moving back and forth while describing about your happiness.
When you meet a client, you sit straight, at 50% of the chair, explaining to him about your product like you believe in it.
When you are relaxed, you look like you need a pillow to support your lower back. This sitting posture is bad for health.
When you are stressed, you most probably cannot sit tight.
When you are waiting for someone, you fold your arms sometimes, and cross your leg.
When you are interested in someone, you cross your leg in his/her direction.
When you are waiting to leave a place, your leg points to the exit.
When you want to run away, both your legs is pointing towards the exit, and you cannot rest your leg.

Walking Style:

When you have total control over yourself, you walk like a king on the red carpet.
When you are rushing to somewhere, you walk fast and you feel like running against time.
When you are perfectly comfortable with friends, family or your loved ones,  you stroll like time stops for you.
When you have fast pace of life (especially in city life), you walk like a model… in fast forward mode.
Body Response:

When you want someone’s attention, your body is leaned forward.
When you are happy, your response is positive, like an energised bunny. “Can you not move around so much?” Nah.
When you hate someone or doesn’t feel like attending to that person, your body won’t even response.
When you think I type too much nonsense, you sigh at the  amount of crap you need to read.
When you think I type too much info, you want to bookmark my address and come back later. Most probably you won’t if you don’t feel the need to improve yourself.
When you read my post, you feel like you are going to school again because you realise so much things were not taught in school. Why is education teaching you the knowledge of life but not the essence of life?

All in all, when you look at body language, you have to look at it as a whole. This means body language comes as a whole package, where each sub-categories only give tiny details. Combining all, while accessing body language, will connect the dots for these details, thus making all the inspection congruent.

Why am I sharing this? (Alan)

I believe in the experiences I had, every chapter in my Book of Life is exciting, full of loves and losses.
I believe in the time I lived, every moment is a picture that i can relieve with glaring intensity.
I believe in understanding human nature, every person is an animal that understands simple things.. love, greed, desire.. and complex things.. sacrifice, mercy, duty, loyalty.
I believe in social dynamics and psychology, that every group setting and group conversation has shifts of power to whomever takes the lead, that everyone’s mind is different, yet oddly similar.
I believe if I can do it, somebody else can too. Aren’t we all human?
So I believe my words hold value in your heart, that my thoughts hold sway,
I believe I will… move.. your heart and grasp your soul.

Because I care, believe and want to change the world into a better place.

The world now, is not a place I want my children to grow up in.

Thus, I am going to start, by changing the way you think.

Body Language in General (Alan)

“By a man’s fingernails, by his coat-sleeve, by his boots, by his trouser-knees, by the calluses of his forefinger and thumb, by his expression, by his shirt-cuffs, by his movement – by each of these things a man’s calling is plainly revealed. That all united should fail to enlighten the competent enquirer in any case is almost inconceivable.”
– SHERLOCK HOLMES, 1892 –

Have you ever encountered someone who can walk into a room full of people and within minutes give an accurate description of the relationship between people and their feeling?

Have you encountered someone whom you talk to, look deep into your eyes as if you are totally naked in front of him. Every little thoughts in your mind was no secret to him. You felt that you couldn’t hide all your insecurities, your fear, your past, your emotion. All you can do was to be honest with him, telling things that perhaps you were unwilling to let others know.

In fact, body language is our original form of communication before language was created and evolved till the present. Every tiny details in your body language reflects your thought and your emotion. You hear this quite frequently: 70% of the communication done is through non verbal communication. That includes body language, voice tone etc.

Here, I shall elaborate on body language. The vibe that you exert on other people mainly comes from your body language, including your body posture, facial expression and gestures. So, let me divide body language into these 3 sub-categories. Each of these will be elaborated, with self-improvement techniques in latter posts.

Body posture:

The way you stand, sit and your body response to others. No matter what you do, you body posture reflects your true identity, your personality.

You might have heard your teachers, parents or some other people telling you to stand straight, sit straight. Why is that so? Why can’t you relax and look like a zombie? Well, you are literally telling people you are a zombie, walking among humans.

Thus, body posture is very important to show your personality. You most probably realised by now, how do most confident people stand or sit. When you meet a confident person, does he have hunch back? Does he stand static like a tree trunk? No. They always stand at shoulder length, move back and forth when engaging in conversation.

Facial expression:

This is what people see on your face, simple right? No. You are only half right. Facial expression goes both ways. Your facial expression is what you think is on your face, and what actually seen by other people. Smile to the mirror like you mean it. You think you are sincere. But if you examine your image in the mirror, it may not look like it.

Thus, this comes to my point. Your emotion shows on your face, whether you like it or not. You can try to hide, but someone sensitive can pick that up on your facial expression.

Body Gesture:

This is important as you use your hand to stress a point. Let me give you a scenario. You are talking to this person about you winning a lottery. Your hands folded while saying, “Hey! I just won a lottery! Lets go celebrate!” Other people’s response will be, “Are you serious…. Don’t joke around.”

Thus, body gesture makes you congruent with your expression. Body gesture is like a flow of water. It should flow with your expression. If you have swing your hand too much, you look as if you are exaggerating. If you does not even move your hand, other people will be thinking, “Are you serious?” They will be very skeptical of your words.

Note: Your whole body language comes in one package. If any of your tiny movements doesn’t match with the rest, you will be deemed incongruent and thus lose credibility in the eyes of others.

Introduction to Body Language based on my experience.