What we see is the truth, not the words we hear. What we don’t see is the real meaning of the truth.
What we believe is what we feel right, that our guts say yes to the decision we make.
What we hear is merely a small fraction of the whole truth, often the voice tone does not represent the whole personality.
On happy occasion like this:
WHAT? I WON A LOTTERY? OH MY GOODNESS! OH MY GOODNESS!
Can you say this with a sad face? Imagine you saying this:
*sad sad face* what… sigh…. I won a lottery…?… sigh… oh… I am so…. happy… This is the best ever present… *still the same sad face*
Oh well, hope you get the idea.
Now, the exciting part where you seriously want to know more. Let’s us go through this journey together.
Take note of the colour, size, shape, movement on each part of the face. I shall start from the top of the face.
Flinch (sometimes causes Wrinkle): it means change in emotional state
- Can be from normal state to happy/surprise
If you look at people closely, you will find that their eye brow sometimes move higher or lower, or frown.
This is a simple way to tell the mood of a person.
High: When happy, even higher when there is much more excitement (like when you are craving for extravagant activities from opposite sex)
Stay still: stable mood.
- low/negative mood – sad, angry (some people frown when angry), grief
- curious mood – want to know something more. Sometimes someone look like you with frown because he/she is curious about you.
Eyes is the truth of emotional state. Of course, unless you are undercover agent or super spy, your eyes will betray your true feelings.
There is much more details on eyes than you think.
Retina size and colour change
When we are emotionally high, our retina will grow bigger (very small difference), the colour will be lighten.
When we are emotionally down, our retina will grow a bit smaller, the colour darkens.
Eye gaze Direction (basically eye contact)
Do you ever wonder where people look at when you talk to them? Now, lets reverse the question: Do you know where you are looking at when others are talking to you? Looking at the lips, the eyes, the nose, some other places where you shouldn’t be looking at but you are just tempted to do so….
Eye gaze signifies where is your attention at.
Some people look at people’s eye in conversation, but are they deliberately looking at your eyes or they are sincerely looking into your eyes? Many people train themselves to look into other people’s eyes, especially those who are going for interviews, meetings, etc. Here is the difference, imagine you are looking at other people’s eyes and you are genuinely enjoy the conversation. Thus, while looking at people’s eyes, what you actually see is the whole picture of the person. This is like watching a movie.
But, while you are trying hard to concentrate in the conversation, your view of the person is narrowed down to his/her face. This is because you are actually paying to attention to the details in words from his mouth. Some people actually look at people’s lips while listening because they are paying attention to the words said.
Next, eye gaze tells a person’s confidence level and comfort level with you.
If you are very uncomfortable with a person, you will sometimes try to avoid eye contact, and look elsewhere. But, you have to show that you are paying attention, so you look at the space in between the eye, or the eye brow, or the tip of the nose.
Also, when they really want to make a point, they look into your eyes to draw your attention, to draw you into their point of view and to convince you in agreeing with them. That’s why eye contact is so important in sales.
Generally, people who are confident have very good eye contact. Some never lose eye contact with you, and that makes you uncomfortable because his/her presence is too strong.
Rapid movement: It means his/her attention is switching from one to another, people who are distracted easily always look around a lot, unless their attention is totally focus on one thing.
Each direction of the eyes means a different thing.
Some people say that when a person’s eye is looking up, he is trying to make up something, or trying to tell a lie. THAT IS BULLSHIT! I can tell you a lie while looking straight into your eyes, in fact, most people do.
I will explain more on this later in NLP sections but the truth is, eye movement means different representation system (how you access your brain: how you think).
Looking up to the top right is creating images (visual reconstruct), top left is remembering images (visual remembrance) , horizontally right is creating sounds in his head (auditory reconstruct), horizontally left is remembering sounds (auditory remembrance), bottom right is creating a feeling (kinesthetic reconstruct), bottom left is remember a feeling (kinesthetic remembrance).
Generally, looking to the right is create images, sounds or feelings, while to the left is remember images, sounds or feelings. Then, you will realise that there is no vertically up and down eye movement. Yes, that is correct. When a person look up or down, it will tend to be a bit left or a bit right. Sometimes, for visual people the eyes will go up -> go a little right -> then go back to middle.
So, eye moment is not enough to tell whether a person is lying. When someone is creating images/sounds/feelings, then the body language will tell you whether he is lying.
Depth of Gaze (how deep a person is looking at you)
For this, you can ‘feel’ the sharpness of a person based on his gaze. People who are sharp in body language or social dynamics will tend to look ‘deep’ into other people and understand their emotion, their needs (for salesperson), and true personality (personality profiler). People who are not affluent in social interaction has ‘shallow’ gaze, where they just glance through your eyes/body but never look into tiny details. This is also one of the difference between effective communicator and bad communicator.
When you are feeling/hearing/looking at something too exciting, your nose bleed. Ok… That’s exaggerating.
For some people, their nose will move like holes grow bigger when they have change in emotional state. Generally, the nose hole become big when they are high – happy, excited, surprise, etc.
I will talk about breathing in body language.
Colour lightens or become redder in high emotional state.
Edge of mouth:
Tickles when in intense emotional state, also when switching from one feeling to another different one.
What you canont see: More saliva when you find something delicious, not necessarily food.
Change in emotion: Redder for some people due to blood flowing faster
(If you can notice these tiny changes) flinch on edge of eye brow, cheeks and tip of the nose.
Smile more (obvious right?) You are half way there. To be more accurate, a more sincere smile or laughter. Look at the edge of the lips. You will see the difference. Sincere – deeper flinch (Dont know what it is called), not so sincere – you can barely see it.
Lastly, the complete face structure.
Each tiny details only provide so little details. However, if we form all of them into one, then we will get a more complete and accurate result.
But.. but… isn’t there so many combinations and each combination has different meaning? How are we supposed to analyse all when we have is like… lets say 0.5 seconds to do all of it? Not really. We shouldn’t be analysing all of them one by one. In fact, the most important thing is to look at the eyes. Our thoughts, our feelings, our emotions, is all written in the eyes. The rest is like addition to it.
Let me ask you. What is the most important thing when building a sand castle? hm…. hm…
Don’t think too much. The most important thing you need is sand. That is why it is called as ‘sand’ castle, not ice castle or Buckingham Palace. So my point is, other details add depth into your basic analysis to form a complete picture.
Having said this, we shall end here because I reveal too much information that I shouldn’t be saying.
*Actually I am just hungry* Cannot think when I have a hungry stomach.